Life's Too Short
by Tmntfanfic
Summary: For the first time in his life, Raphael let his soft side show in front of everyone, after the Invasion, and loss of family. Once they reach the farmhouse with an injured Leo, Michelangelo appears to be attached to Raphael, needing to be comforted. But Raph realizes he can't get close to his little brother. He can't be weak anymore. However, pushing him away was almost worse...
1. Prologue

Uncertain arms wrapped themselves around Michelangelo. The water from the whirlpool swirling behind them, where their Sensei- their father, had just been thrown to his death.  
That was what had set Raphael into an outrage- he could feel the blood dripping off of his hands, from pounding his fists on metal bars.  
The back of his shell became wet, as the gentle tears of his little brother dripped onto him. "You don't have to be strong now," Mikey whispered. "It's okay to be-"  
He pulled him tighter, cutting him off. Mikey's shoulder became damp, and his heart sunk. He hated to see his brother like this. He could _feel _his pain. His grief, over the loss of his father, and his sorrow of knowing his older brother might not make it.  
He felt like Raph would need him now, more than ever. "I'm okay..." Raph's choked up voice says, as he lets go. "I'll be okay."  
_No, don't let go... _Mikey thought. _You still need me, don't let go..._

"We're not running, Donnie." April's voice breaks the silence. _Donnie... _Where was he when Raph needed him most? Worrying about April. What kind of brother did that?  
_Me. _Mikey realized. All the other times Raph had been upset about something, he'd always just joked about it, called him a baby sometimes, and let him go. _We all do_...

He kept his head down. Oh, how could he have been so stupid all these years?  
"We're going to put an end to this." April said.  
Mikey nodded. Not just an end to the Invasion. An end to Raphael's inner isolation.  
_I promise... I won't let you fight this battle alone._

As they made their way to the Turtle Mech, Raph gripped Mikey's hand. He didn't know why. He just needed the support. Mikey smiled. "Let's go show those jerks what happens when you mess with a ninja turtle."


	2. Chapter 1

Mikey's heart broke hearing Donnie's profuse apology to their fallen leader. "None of this would've happened." Donnie whispered. He was probably right. Him and Leo had gotten into an argument over strategy that led to the entire problem. Donnie's guilt was heart wrenching, but no one consoled him.  
April started saying something about a place they could all go, upstate. _I don't want to go upstate. I'm scared. _Mikey's eyes said. He got onto the bench, not bothering to put on a seatbelt or anything, and stared out the window, wiping his eyes. A new place to live? For how long, forever? What about the city, what about everyone who called New York their home? They wouldn't get to live-  
"Hey. It'll be alright." Raph's voice said gently.  
Mikey looked to the front seat, where he could see the pain behind Casey's eyes in the mirror. He'd lost his family in the madness. April consoled him.

Behind him, he could see Donnie sitting beside Leo, his eyes wet, as he gripped onto his blue mask that he'd just removed. Leo was so wounded, so- looking dead, the way he lay so still...  
Mikey shrunk himself, looking down at the ground. "What's gonna happen now, Raph?"  
Raph looked up and said he didn't know.  
"It isn't fair. None of us deserved this!" Mikey said, an upset tone. "Look what this did to Donnie, to Casey, to Leo!" he left out Raph's name. "Over stupid arguments, bad choices. That's my job! I'm supposed to screw up for everyone. And look! I didn't, and now everyone is-"  
"Shh..." Raph soothed. "They'll be okay. Just get some sleep. I'm gonna go help Donnie."  
Mikey grabbed his arm. "Don't leave me alone."  
A flash of sorrow crossed Raph's eyes, as he leaned up against the window. "I promise I won't." He stroked his head. "Just sleep."

An hour passed, and the car was quiet, except for the muffled cries from Donnie in the back of the van.  
The others, besides Casey, were all asleep. Or tried to be, at least.  
Mikey shivered, caught in a nightmare.  
_The Shredder stands before me, his blades extended. "You will live, Turtle, but you can only live if you choose which of your 'brothers' will be exterminated. Then I see them. Leo, in horrible pain, Donnie tending to him, and Raph, just standing there, an angered expression. My eyes travel between them all, and stop at Raph. "Take Raph." The words stumble out of my mouth like a million gunshots. "Why would you do this to me, Mikey? What did I do to make you hate me? Why do you want me to be-" the Shredder kills him. "-Dead-" Raph drops to the ground._

"No... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-" Mikey whimpers in his sleep. "I didn't mean to, I just- PLEASE NO!"  
His shoulder was shook. "Mikey, wake up!" Raph said, not annoyed, despite the fact he woke everyone in the car. "You were dreaming."  
Mikey's tear filled eyes popped open, and he shook. "I'm sorry. I told him to kill you..."  
"Dream or real?"  
"Dream, but-"  
"Then it doesn't matter. I'm alive."  
"Yeah, but I chose for you to die. I should've sacrificed myself, I-"  
"Can you shut him up, **please**?" Casey muttered from the front seat.

"It's alright Mikey," Raph glared at his friend, and held his brother. This wasn't him, he would never hold anyone to comfort them.  
"That doesn't bother you?" Mikey asked quietly.  
"Of course it doesn't." He whispered.  
Casey watched them from the rear view mirror, perplexed.

Raph held on, waiting for him to fall back to sleep. "Life's too short to worry about dreams.."  
"When your life is a nightmare." He finished after he was sure no one could hear him.


	3. Chapter 2

For two days straight, Raphael had stayed by the bathtub where his leader slept, keeping a constant watch over him. When a quiet Donatello came in on the eve of the third day, Raph snapped at him. "You need to stop drifting around. You'll wake him up! An' if you do, Master Splinter will be pretty ticked."  
"Raph, what are you talking about?" Donnie asked, perplexed. It was past eleven.  
"I **said**, you need to stop drifting around or you'll wake Leo. And Master Splinter will get all mad and scold you!" Raph rubbed his eyes, holding back a yawn.  
"I think... you need to get some rest. I'll watch Leo. Just get some r-"  
"I'm **fine**, Donnie. Really. Isn't that right, Leo?"

Donnie shook his head, and went into the hallway. "What's going on, Donnie?" Mikey asked, peeking out of his room.  
"I can't get Raph to go to bed. He's absolutely exhausted. Delusional, even."  
Mikey nodded. "I'll get him to bed."  
"How?" Donnie crossed his arms. "He won't leave Leo."  
"Dude, he's so tired, it doesn't even matter." Mikey said, trying not to worry as he entered the bathroom. "Hey, Raph. What's up?"  
Raph looked up, his eyes very red from lack of sleep. "Watchin' Leo."  
"Well..." Mikey sat down on the sink, "Donnie kinda wants to watch him for a little while. Can you let him?"  
Raph said no.

"Please...? I-" What was he going to say? That he needed him for a minute? He didn't like being alone in the house, he needed reassurance, comfort? He found tears in his eyes, unsure of how they got there. "I-I just want you to." He closed his eyes, waiting for another 'no'.  
But instead he heard the chair scoot back, and felt a hand on his shoulder. Another on his back. "You need to sleep." He whispered.  
Mikey's hand curled around his brothers arm, and he tugged it. "So do you. Come on."  
Raph's eyes were half shut, and he let Mikey drag him out of the room and down the hall, let him put him on the bed. "Now go to sleep too." Raph said quietly.  
"I'll be right here." He felt himself be held again, and felt foolish. He'd left Raph again, at the house, to grieve alone. "I won't do that again."

Morning came, and Raph still felt exhausted. Everything was a blur, but he was taken care of. "I have to- watch Leo-" he mumbled, trying to sit up. He was pushed back down, and a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. "Not today, you don't."  
A door shut, and all was quiet.

He took that day off. Let himself be cared for. He had enough going on in his mind in the past few days to never think again. He just slept, only waking up slightly when his caretaker would make him drink or eat something, and go back to sleep.  
"You'll get better soon. I promise." His caretaker said that night. "Now it's my turn to sleep."

Next day, he woke to a quiet house, fully rested. He got up, stretching, and headed to check on Leo. Donnie was by his side, sound asleep, but Leo's vitals were okay, so he didn't worry.  
He went downstairs to the kitchen, hoping to grab a bite and explore the area some. And after that, going back to Leo. He had to watch over him. He knew Leo would do the same.

He attempted to sneak out the front door silently, so as to not wake anyone, but was stopped by gentle footsteps down the stairs. "Hey, you're up! Where're you going?" Mikey asked.  
He sighed. "I'm just going outside for a minute. Go back to bed."  
"Can I come? Please?" There was a seriousness in his eyes. Not a 'Can I come to annoy you?' look. More of a 'I need to get out of here'.  
He sighed again. "Fine. Come on."  
Mikey smiled and ran outside into the chilly air.  
"I'm not really out here to goof off, Mikey." He said.  
"I know that, duh."

Mikey skipped back over to him, out of breath. "Let's go watch the sunrise!" He said exitedly.  
"Aw, man I don't know... " Raph sighed. Mikey made puppy eyes. "Pleeeeeease? We'll be back soon. Come on."  
"Okay. Let's go." They set off to find a hill to watch the sunrise on.  
"This is the spot!" Mikey declared. "That, and I'm tired."  
Raph chuckled. "That's what I thought."

About an hour later, April and Casey were out on the porch when they heard voices and laughter in the woods. They were stunned to see one of those voices belonged to Raph, who'd been so quiet recently. He looked _happy_, he didn't look like the Raph they knew. The one they knew always had a scowl whether he was happy or not. He didn't joke and goof off to this extreme.

"Morning, guys," he said cheerfully.  
Casey gave him an odd look. "Hi."  
"Sleep well last night?" April asked, giving him the same odd look.  
"Very well, actually." He went inside.

Mikey felt so happy, because his _brother _was happy. He was in a light-hearted mood all day. They explored the woods together, watched a movie, made dinner, and not a harsh word or look. It was truly a perfect day.  
But all perfect days come to an end...


	4. Chapter 3

Raphael woke up to a hushed conversation outside the door. "He's being completely different."  
"And abandoning his responsibilities just to goof off..."  
He squinted in the bright sunlight.  
"It's almost like, he's lost his toughness. He's weak." Casey's voice said.

_What_? **_Weak_**? _Since when am I weak_? Raph's mind raced with questions. All he had done was taken fourty eight hours off. Of course, he had planned to help Mikey rebuild the chicken coop, and make a pizza, but that wouldn't take all day, would it?  
He stared at the ceiling. _What did they mean by weak...?  
_Raph wasn't weak, on the outside at least. He was the toughest of them all, he could- his anger lessened and his embarassment grew.

_Maybe... maybe they're right, _he thought as he looked down at his sleeping little brother. He enjoyed his company, he needed it, but was Mikey making him weaker? He didn't know. And troubled, went back to sleep.

"Wake up, bro! I'm starving!" Mikey shook him awake a few hours later.  
"Mmmmph..."  
"We got a lot to do, chop chop! Let's goooo!" He exclaimed, jumping on the bed.  
"I'm up, I'm up..." he said sluggishly, the word _weak _still echoing in his head. He decided to ignore it. "Where to, bro?"  
"The KITCHEN! Come on!" He tugged at his arm.

Mikey threw a pizza up into the air, getting flour all over himself, the counters, and the floor. "Wouldn't it be cool to open your own pizza shop? You could get free pizza any time you wanted, like _any time_! Wouldn't that be **awesome**?" Mikey blabbered, throwing the pizza again. It stuck to the ceiling.  
"Well." Raph stood on a chair to get it down, "If you want to do that, first, you're gonna have to learn how to properly toss a pie. And second, better make sure your shop is a costume one because, let's be honest and real here..." He trailed off, tugging at the pizza.  
"I know. I'm a mutant turtle, and people would freak out, and no one would even come there." Mikey slumped on a chair, sighing.  
"I would." Raph said, putting the pizza on the counter. "You can count on me being a first and regular customer."  
Mikey smiled. "Aw, really? AWESOME!" He knocked over a bag of flour, filling the room with dust. "And another thing, Mikey," Raph coughed, "You have to learn to keep your shop clean!"

April stared out the window. "They've been gone all day," Casey said. "What's with him, anyway?"  
"Well... maybe he just likes the area?" April suggested.  
"Pi is 3.1415..." Donnie muttered, half asleep.  
"Well, whether pi is 3.1415 or Raph likes the area, he's been really different in the past few days-"  
Raph climbed the stairs, about to check on everything. He stopped to listen.  
"-He's gone soft. Weak. And pretty soon he'll be just a fluffy teddy bear, and then how will we ever save the city?"  
Raph stopped in his tracks. He felt tears prick at his eyes. _Look at yourself, Raph. Weak. You aren't who you were. Because of your little brother.  
_He hurried into his bedroom and locked the door. He went to the window, looking outside, unable to hold back his angry tears.  
_Do you see yourself? This isn't the tough Raphael everyone knows. This one is crying like a child.  
_He sat down, covering his eyes. _The only way you can redeem yourself is to push him away. You've done it before. Go back to your job with Leo, and forget that Michelangelo even exists. Unless you want to be weak your whole life, and be your brother's teddy bear..._


	5. Chapter 4

Raph fell asleep early, too crushed and conflicted to worry what time it was. He didn't want to do this. He couldn't believe he actually did it. How could he?! How could he say those things to his brother... he shouldn't have listened to April and Casey, what did they know? They didn't know anything! Things were never going to be the same, he ruined that bond between them.

_It's too late now..._he thought, heart breaking. _I'm such an idiot. _He gripped a paper in his hands, so tightly, it crumbled...

"I found this, from when we were little? Heh... I was quite the artist, wasn't I?" He squeezed his eyes shut at the memory, from this morning, before everything was horribly messed up.. Mikey smiled sweetly. "Since it was yours then, you should have it again now." He handed it to him.  
"It looks like a potato.. with feet." He commented on the original artwork, from the "world famous" Michelangelo the ninja turtle.  
Mikey turned it sideways. "Now look."  
"It's still a potato."  
"Ugh, the message, dummy."  
"_Tanks for te bare. _What does that mean?" Raph asked, confused, and in a sour mood, after the previous night's revalation of needing to pull away.  
"Keep reading."  
Raph grunted, and started the next sentence. "_I dont no wat Id do witout yu. Best broter ever! Lov, MIKEY"  
_"Oh yeah... I remember that. I gave it back to you."  
Mikey smiled. "Yeah... I found it taped to the bottom of the cooler. Weird. But anyway, it is yours."  
Raph shrugged. How was he gonna tell Mikey? Well.. _I'll just give him one more day. Tell him tonight. I can do this. I'm strong.  
_"So, what's on the agenda today? Or.. are you back on Leo duty?" Mikey questioned.  
Raph put the drawing in his belt. "Uh.. well.. let's go to the woods, explore some? Make it a day trip. Sound good?"  
"Yes! I'm gonna go get some pizza to bring! Be right back!" He ran off exitedly.

"Raph." Donnie came down the stairs. "Bro, I really need a break. Can you please watch Leo for a few hours so I can get some rest?"  
"READY!" Mikey called.  
Donnie sighed. "Again? Raph, you can't keep doing this. I really, **really **need some sleep."  
"I know. I'm sorry, but I-"  
"Come onnnnnn..." Mikey tugged his arm. "Hurry up!"  
He shut the door, and the last thing he saw was Donnie's exhausted face, staring at him.

"This has been like the best day _ever_.." Mikey was laying on a large rock, watching the evening sun. Raph sat nearby, knowing he had to tell him soon. It pained him. It had truly been a wonderful day, that day he had seen Mikey as a friend, not just a little brother he always had to protect. And he realized he was a lot of fun.  
"Hey Raph," Mikey said suddenly. "Something wrong?"  
"Hmm..?" He looked down, squeezing his eyes shut.  
"I miss him too... but I know he's gonna be alright. Sometimes, bad stuff happens for a _reason_. And we don't always know what that is. But we just have to believe it has one, and wait for it to become clear." He sat beside his brother, waiting for the sun to set.  
"Yeah..." Raph agreed quietly, heart hurting.  
"Like for instance, if this didn't happen, you probably wouldn't, you know..."  
"Be close with you?" Raph finished.  
"Yeah... I've had a better time with you in the past few days than I have in a really long time. Thanks for that. I really needed someone to talk to."  
Raph held back tears. _Just say it.  
_"Mikey..." His green eyes shone with tears about to fall.  
"Are you okay?" Mikey asked, noticing his expression.  
"Mikey, I'm sorry, but-" He sighed. Mikey's blue eyes were worried.  
"We can't hang out anymore. I have responsibilities, and-"  
"_What_?" the shocked and hurt tone in Mikey's voice felt like a million gunshots to Raph's heart. "Wh-"  
"Mikey, listen to me-"  
His lip quivered and he ran off.

He found him a half hour later, near the house. "Mikey, I-"  
"Did all of this mean nothing to you? Why'd you stay with me anyway, if you didn't want to?"  
"I did want to..."  
"And what's this about 'responsibilities'? What does that have to do with us not hanging out?"  
"Look, it's not really you, it's just..." _Say it. He's already done, anything you say now doesn't make a difference. _"If I run around and play with you all the time, I'm gonna- it's just-"  
"Spit it out. You're making it seem like it's your toughness and warrior part of you, or me. Like there can't be both."  
"It is..."  
"So, if you have to choose your stubborn personality, or me, which one would it be then, Raph?"  
"My toughness." He blurted, instantly regretting it. "We.. we can still be brothers, just can't be like- like we are now."  
Mikey got up, tears streaming down his face. "I get it. Cause life's too short to think about others. All you can do is think of yourself."  
He ran off.


	6. Chapter 5

That night, Mikey found his own bedroom to stay in, and locked it. His heart was broken, but he wasn't incredibly angry with his brother. He just thought he meant more than a reputation, but Mikey must've been wrong. He couldn't think clearly, and just tried to sleep, but couldn't. How could he when he felt like this? Everything was ruined, he'd have to be alone again. No chance sleeping. So he got out of bed, and found where Leo was sleeping. April watched over him, her eyes tired, but not exhausted.

"Hey, Mikey," she said, yawning. "Where's-"  
"How should I know?" He snapped. He knew where he was. He just didn't want to talk about him.  
She looked at him. "I just thought, you know..."  
Mikey stayed silent. _Don't freak out. Just smile, like you always do when you're hiding your sorrow. Nobody knows the difference. Nobody cares.  
_He smiled. "So, is Donnie finally getting some rest?"  
She brightened at his sudden mood change. "Yep! Had to practically drag him, but he's sound asleep now."  
"That's really good. Let him sleep in tomorrow."  
"I will. And hey- when you see Raph, tell him it's his shift to watch Leo tomorrow morning? I'd tell him myself, but..."  
"Oh, sure! No problem." He said cheerfully. "Good night, April."  
"Night!"  
He shut the door, exhaling, losing the smile, and went to bed. Like he was going to talk to Raphael.  
_Five minutes down, a lifetime to go of this pretending to be okay..._

The next few days, every time Mikey passed the bathtub, Raph was there, watching over Leo. He never left, he never spoke once. The others were worried about him. He was worse than he was when they got there. But his personality was back, just the same as before. He couldn't be persuaded to leave their leader's side. Which was fine with Mikey for two reasons. One, it gave Donnie time to make medicines and build things, and two, it gave Mikey an excuse to not have to see him.  
They seldom spoke for three months.

During that time, Mikey learned to enjoy being alone, although it didn't work well. Sometimes, he just wanted to crawl up the stairs to his room and never leave it. Besides, if Leo never woke up, Raph would never leave his side, and Donnie would never stop trying to find a cure.. it'd be eternal and no one would need him.

Daily life was a routine for Mikey now. He'd wake up in his lonely room, the house quiet, and go feed the chickens. He'd come in and cook for everyone, if April wasn't up yet. He'd smile like everything was going to be okay, like he had full confidence everything was going to be okay. He'd train with the others, mostly Donnie, avoiding his other brother, and then go inside and watch TV. Lunch came, and he'd help April with whatever chores needed to be done.

After that, he'd go bother Donnie for awhile, who didn't entirely mind him being there, but he was always busy working on something, Casey being there too, tinkering with an old car. "Some day, this baby's gonna be fast enough to blow that egg head of yours straight off, Donatello." He teased, rolling underneath the car.  
"I'd like to see you start it, first." Donnie muttered, not even looking up.  
"Whatcha doing, Donnie?" Mikey asked.  
"Medicine, now shhhh, I'm trying to focus."  
"Oh. Sorry."  
Every day went like that.

Except of course, when Leo woke up. They were all happy to see him, especially Raph, who sounded so cheerful, so... _like he did after we got here. When he decided to be nice to me_. He hoped Leo wouldn't have to go throught the same thing he did.  
As Leo rested by the fire, Donnie telling him of all he missed, Mikey was surprised to be tapped on the shoulder. "Here." Raph handed him a slice of pizza. Mikey took it, muttering a thanks.  
"What have you been up to?" He sat down, somewhat curious looking.  
"Are you trying to make conversation, Raphael? Cause if you are, I don't need to talk to you. It might ruin my character hanging out with a selfish jerk." He pushed the plate back into his hands. "_You _take it."  
"I just-"  
"Save it."

All he got was a look of guilt, and hurt, but Mikey didn't care. He went over to help Donnie, and forgot that conversation even happened.


	7. Chapter 6

A few days later, the four brothers sat outside, having a picnic. "What'd you pack for us today, Donnie?" Mikey asked excitedly. It had been too long since the four of them were all together again, and it felt good. Mostly. Of course, he figured it would be better _without _Raph present, but... _oh, shut up about him_. Mikey smiled.  
"Well, I didn't pack the lunches today." Donnie set down a blanket for them to eat on.

Leo shrugged, sitting down slowly, with Donnie's help.  
"I did." Raph said quietly, tying pieces of grass together.  
"Oh..." Mikey opened the basket. That wasn't usual for his fiery-tempered older brother. He didn't like cooking much, or doing anything in the kitchen other than eating.  
"_Pizza_? You packed _pizza _for a picnic?" he said in a disgusted tone.  
Raph took the basket from him. "That's for you. The pizza's for you."  
Donnie and Leo grabbed a wrapped up container from the basket and ate, giving Mikey a funny look.  
"I thought you liked pizza..." Leo said, unaware of the reason for Mikey's hostility.  
"Yeah, but I don't want it. You should've asked what I wanted, Raph."  
"I _would have _if you would talk to me! Every time I try you just ignore me!"  
"Well, who actually _wants _to talk to you anyway?"  
"Guys..." Donnie started. "Enough."  
"You're right, Donnie. That is enough. I'm going inside." Raph stood up, heading for the house.  
"Raph, no!" Leo tried to stand, but couldn't. He let him go.  
The front door slammed, and eyes fell on Mikey.  
"What?" He asked innocently.  
"Why'd you do that? He was trying to do something nice for you, and you just acted like a jerk." Leo scolded.  
"I- I wasn't! I was just.. kidding?"

Donnie looked from Mikey to Leo. "This is how it's been for months here, and we don't know why."  
"Mikey, you want to tell us?" Leo asked curiously.  
He looked down. "Nothing. I was just- teasing, and I guess.. he took it the wrong way."  
"Well, if that's all it was, a simple apology should benefit you both. Why don't you go ask him to take a walk with us, after you apologize of course."  
Mikey smiled, dreading on the inside. "Sure! I bet that'll be fun."  
"Go on, now." Donnie said.

Mikey dragged himself into the house. He heard Raph in the kitchen, slamming stuff around. _Great_.  
"Raph. Leo and Don want you to come with us on a walk." He entered.  
Raph turned around and stuffed a sandwich in Mikey's face. "**Here, **you freaking brat. Is that better?!" He shoved his little brother. Mikey narrowed his eyes. "No, it isn't."  
"I should've known! Ohhh, what should I do? Knead the bread by hand? Make the jelly from fresh grapes? Will that _finally _get you off my back?!"  
"Don't act like this is my fault. It was yours. Everything was fine until _you _decided you needed to be a big tough jerk again!" Mikey screamed at him.

"I **tried **to apologize. I've tried _EVERY DAY_! And you always blow me off! So what am I supposed to do?!"  
"You know what?" Mikey said as Raph went over to put a dish away.  
"**What**."  
"There's something wrong with you _in the head _and I wish we left you in the sewers to rot." Mikey spat out. That was when his older brother lost it. He heard various words, very bad words, his own name, but most importantly, things _shattering_. All near, but not directly at Mikey, who covered his eyes and sat in a ball on the floor. He meant what he said. He didn't think Raph would lash out like this, but it could've been worse, or so he thought. That thought changed when he felt two powerful hands grab him and pick up by the shoulders. He shook him, yelling things that weren't exactly clear.

Mikey defiantly didn't look into his eyes. He pretended he wasn't afraid. But, after almost thirty seconds with nothing happening, he was dropped onto his feet. He peeked at his brother, and was shocked. He had tears streaming down his face. "You're right." His voice croaked, before he let go of him and disappeared.

He looked at the destroyed kitchen, and at his arms, which were kind of red after being gripped so hard. His heart sunk at finding drops of blood on the floor, and a puddle of it around a broken glass. He had hurt Mikey. And he hurt himself...


	8. Chapter 7

Raph hurried upstairs to his room, slamming the door. _What were you about to do? Were you going to kill him? Raph, this is your little brother. You would never, EVER, think of EVER hurting him like that. _He looked at the blood on his hands. "But I did... I wanted to."

Donnie had heard a lot of noise coming from the kitchen, and he was rather scared of what could be going on in there. He didn't want Mikey getting killed, and that's what it sounded like. So, he helped Leo up, and they both went inside, and were shocked. Glass all over the floor, a chair was broken, there was spilled food everywhere. And then there was Mikey, who sat at the table, eating quietly.  
"Mikey...?" Leo asked, suspicious.  
"What happened in here?!" Donnie exclaimed. "It's a disaster area, are you hurt?"  
"Did... did Raph do this?"  
Mikey nodded, continuing to eat.  
"Did he hurt you?" Leo asked, panicked.  
He shrugged.  
Donnie hurriedly looked him over, and found nothing but a bruise on his upper arm that wasn't there before. That infuriated him, and Leo.  
"I'm going to go talk to him **right now**. Violence on family is not tolerated in this house. He hobbled off.

Donnie gave Mikey a curious look.  
"You were fighting?"  
Mikey nodded.  
"What did you say to make him so... out of control?"  
Mikey avoided eye contact.  
"Mikey, am I to believe Raph wasn't the only one guilty in this situation? What did you say? How did this even start?"  
"Raph was in here making a sandwich and he started yelling at me over it. He said I was a brat, and if this was any better."  
"And?"  
"I said no, it didn't."  
"Okay, that's no big deal, but.. why did he do _this_?" He acknowleged the destroyed room.  
Mikey pretended he didn't know.  
"Well, come on, let's get this place cleaned up." Donnie said.  
As he scrubbed the floor, he stared at his brother's blood that stained it, and guilt stabbed at his heart.

Meanwhile, Leo knocked on the bedroom door upstairs. "Raph, come out of there. We need to talk."  
"'Bout what?" Came a muffled response, like he was talking through a pillow.  
"You know what. Come out here."  
"I don't want to talk right now. Please..."  
"Raphael. You have three seconds. One."  
"I'm not coming out."  
"Two."  
"Nope."  
"Three." Leo surprisingly kicked in the door.  
Raph was on his bed, sitting up, not looking at him. "_What _do you want?" Leo noticed his voice sounded a little.. shaky? Had his toughest younger brother actually been _crying_? What could have happened to cause Raph to cry? He never cried.  
"I- I want to know what-" he stopped, seeing Raph's hands were bloody. Yep, he had been in a horrible rage. "I want to know why you're upset."  
"Like you'd care." Raph snapped at him, pulling his blanket up to cover his shoulders.

"I do care. I'm your brother."  
"You're just here to scold me about what I did. I'm not gonna hear it."  
"I'm not here to scold. I'm here to listen. So, tell me what happened."  
Raph looked up. His eyes were dark. "He said something was wrong with me. That they should've left me in the sewers to rot. He hates me."  
"What? _Mikey _said that?!"  
He doesn't respond.  
Leo knew the answer was yes. "Raph." He sat on the bed. "You know he didn't mean that. You know he loves you just as much as the rest of us." He wrapped his arms around his little brother. There was no movement at all. Because Raph knew the truth. Mikey meant what he said. And there was no love.


	9. Chapter 8

Leo left Raph's room after awhile. He did the best he could to comfort his heart-broken little brother, but there wasn't much he could do. He had to be careful with a situation like this. Apparently, this hostility was not new. It had been going on almost the same amount of time as he was asleep. What could have possibly happened to cause such a large argument as they had? Why would Mikey even say such a thing? _He must have been truly hurt_.

Because he didn't know what caused the fight, and neither one could go near each other without another fight, or one of them leaving.  
For instance, two days later, April made a nice dinner for everyone. She made delicious steaks, mashed potatoes, several types of vegetables, and spent a lot of time on it. She set the table with her nice china, and everyone had a fancy glass. She looked at the table, proud of herself, and called everyone in. Mikey was the first in, of course. Leo and Donnie were outside with Casey, and that left only Raphael who had to make an appearance.  
He smelled the air, and hurried to the food. "Wow... this is really great, April!"

She smiled, sitting down. "Thanks."  
Mikey looked up from cutting his steak. "Um, April, don't you know you're not supposed to let psycho Raph into kitchens?"  
"Mikey." April said, somewhat shocked. Who was this? Certainly not Mikey.  
That was when the others came in, and took every seat, except the one next to Mikey. Raph sighed. Worst dinner of his life, starting now.

"So, Raph, I haven't seen you out training lately. How about we go out tomorrow?" Casey suggested. "I need to practice cracking some sculls."  
"That'd be awesome, bro." He almost smiled. Mikey glared.  
"Yeah, well Casey, make sure you bring some restraints and a taiser. They say you're not supposed to approach the _wild animals_." Mikey said snarkily.  
Four pairs of eyes burned holes into him. Except Raph. He stood up, knocking over his drink, which landed in Mikey's lap. "Hey!"  
"Serves you right! Can you ever just stop?!"  
"Not listening! Lalalalalaalala!" Mikey covered his ears.  
Raph growled. He _hated_ being HUMILIATED in front of everyone.

Mikey was on the other side of the table. "Come on, let's get you back to the asylum, pal."  
He'd had enough. He leaped across the table and tackled him to the ground. Plates fell off the table, shattering, as did the steak and mashed potatoes. "My dinner..." April covered her eyes.  
Raph put all his weight on Mikey, his fist clenched. He punched him, and Mikey kicked him off, then tackled him, holding a steak knife to protect himself. He held it to Raph's throat. "**Back off **or I _will_ cut your throat out, and watch you die..."  
Raph struggled, but was nervous about the knife, so stayed still.  
"So should I? Will it do everyone a favor? It'll do me one."  
"_Michelangelo! _That.. is... **ENOUGH**!" Leo roared, snatching the knife, and pushing Mikey off. "You will GO TO YOUR ROOM, STAY THERE, AND NOT COME OUT. This has gone on **too long!**" He can't control his outrage.  
Donnie stayed silent, looking at the bruise growing on Mikey's cheek. "Leo, can't I help him with-"  
"No. He deserved it. **Good night**, Michelangelo."

Mikey saw all the staring eyes. He couldn't think straight as he stumbled up the stairs, not bothering to slam his door. He went to bed immediately.

Down in the kitchen, Donnie, Casey, and April cleaned up after the kitchen fiasco. Raph sat in a ball, in the corner, his throat burning. Leo was by his side. "Hey... you okay?"  
He shook his head.  
"From now on, until this whole thing resolves, you should probably stay away from him." He wrapped up Raph's hand. "But I gotta know. What happened to make him turn into.. this?"  
Green eyes looked up. "It doesn't matter. I just learned something. Life's too short to bother trying to fix this. Leo." He looked at him. "It's over. I can't be his brother anymore."


	10. Chapter 9

Leo hugged his knees, looking out at the starry sky.  
"You've been out here for hours. It's freezing, Leo." Donnie approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder.  
"How can I go in there?" He whispered. "I can't. Knowing..."  
"Listen to me. This won't last forever. They'll either forgive each other, or kill each other. Which one would you prefer?" Donnie sat down.  
"I want things to go back to the way they were before."  
"But there's no turning back now..." Donnie said softly.  
Leo nodded. "Donnie, what are we gonna do?"  
"There's not much we can do." He responded. "Except be there for them, both of them, whenvever they need us. They won't put up a strong front forever. One of them is gonna break."  
"Donnie. This weekend? Anything going on?" Leo asked suddenly.  
"No... why?"  
"I have an idea."

Days had passed since the dinner fiasco, and things seemed okay. Raph and Mikey avoided each other at any cost, but they weren't hostile if the others were around. Both silently agreed that what happened at the kitchen would not happen again. They could hate each other as much as they wanted, but they were not going to fight like that again.

Mikey went to the bathroom to get a drink, passing Raph. "I hate you," he said casually, entering the room, like he did so often.  
"Good to know, jerk." Raph muttered. Mikey came out of the bathroom.  
"Know what? Donnie is _way _funner to hang out with than you."  
"'Funner' isn't even a word, dufus. And maybe he is. Boring."  
"Well, at least Donnie didn't choose his stupid brain over me."  
Raph flailed his arms in frustration. "You don't know what I was going through!"  
"I don't? Don't you think I was upset about Leo too?"  
"It _wasn't _that. Know what? Forget it. I'm going to bed."  
"Forever?" Mikey asked sarcastically.  
"If it'll get you off my back for once, sure." Raph stalked back to his room.  
"One question..."  
"WHAT."  
"You ever think about moving out, Raphie?" Mikey asked, annoyed.  
"Actually YES. But Guess WHAT? Apparently," he laughed a little, "Apparently there are other people who want me here. So I have to stay."  
"Well, I don't want you here."  
Raph rolled his eyes. "I know that! But looks like you're the only one. So go to bed, little baby!"  
"G'night! Hate you!"  
"Good night, jerk!"

Mikey silently wondered why Raph never said he hated him. He sure acted like it! He frowned to himself, heading back to his room, passing a mirror. He stopped in his tracks. _Whoa_. He looked like he'd escaped an insane asylum. His mask was improperly tied, his eyes were bloodshot, he was dirty, and he had bags under his eyes. "B-But I've been sleeping.." He touched his face, still shocked. _What have I become?_ He ran his shaking fingers over the bruise on his cheek, nearly hyperventaliting, tears falling. Flashbacks of all the horrible thigns he had said to his brother. He slid down the wall in a sobbing heap. _This isn't me. I've wasted so much time being mad over nothing. I lost myself. Who am I? _

Raph looked out the window, sighing. _He hates me. After all I've done for him.  
When those dang Squirrelanoids were drowning him? Oh, I saved him. _He shut the curtain. _When Tiger Claw beat the stuffing out of him? I was right there. Right there! I carried him home MYSELF. I took care of him. _He looked at the door, the hall light shining underneath of it. _And just because I said we can't hang out, he turned it in to World War III. Well, he started the war. So I'm gonna finish it._


	11. Chapter 10

Mikey woke up the next morning, deciding to start over at the farm. Go back to the way things were before. It wasn't going to be easy, and he knew it probably wouldn't work at all. Mikey didn't know how he could possibly repair the relationship he'd trampled on, so he didn't worry about it. In the mean time, he decided to have fun, and started making quite a bit of messes in the house.

Meanwhile, Raph sunk into a sour mood that didn't leave. He was so disagreeable, no one wanted to be around him until this fog over him lifted.  
While they were eating one morning, Leo stood up. "So, we're going to have a little campout this weekend. April's already got 13 bags of marshmallows. Won't that be fun, guys?"  
"Heck yeah!" Donnie said enthusiastically.  
"Yeah! I love marshmallows." Mikey smiled.  
Leo was a little shocked at his... smile? Why...

Later that day, Mikey and Donnie were out in the barn, and both were in good spirits. "And so then, Crognard was like- 'You cannot-'"  
"MIKEY." Raph's voice came from the door. "What the heck did you do to the kitchen? It's a disaster area!"  
"This is the second time this week.." Donnie muttered.  
"W-well, I- was just playing.." Mikey said quietly.  
Raph had a bitter expression. "Go clean it up. NOW."  
He gulped.  
"Raph, he was just goofing off, no need to get mad." Donnie said, in Mikey's defense.  
"I don't _care_. I've had enough with him. GO."

Truthfully, Raph had noticed Mikey being much more cheerful and energetic at the house recently, and he didn't have a full reason why.  
So he just watched the three of his brothers all getting closer and having adventures together, while he sat back, isolated. _If I could go back, I would. But there's no turning back_.  
He sighed. Recently, he hadn't been outside much at all. He'd actually been helping April with the housework, and that horrified him. He wasn't meant for this kind of stuff. He was meant to be out there, with his brothers, having adventures and protecting them, like he was supposed to.

But every morning, Leo would go out to meditate, Donnie and Casey would head for the barn, Mikey would fly all over who-know's- where, and April would just be writing outside..and he wouldn't see them again for hours, being completely alone in the house. Raphael liked being alone.. _sometimes_. But even people like him needed a little time with the others. The only problem was, every time he would go outside to see them, they'd all leave and do something else.

_I wish I could change this all. _Was his thought while setting down dinner for everyone. _I'm not meant to be indoors like this all the time. _The others came into the house.  
"Hey, guess what?" Mikey cried excitedly, running into the house.  
Raph had a surprised expression, and looked around. "A-Are you talking to me?"  
"Well, duhhh.." Mikey giggled. "I gotcha something!"  
"Okay.. what is it?"  
"It's not here, dufus. You have to go outside to see it!"  
"N-no... I'm not. You're probably just pranking me, as usual, or setting up a murder. So no."  
"B-but I-"  
"I said _no_." He walked away.

Outside, Mikey went up to the punching bag he'd just made and took it down, sniffling. "He.. must've been too busy. That's all..." He wiped his eyes and sat down with the punching bag. "That's all."


	12. Chapter 11

Anyone seen Mikey?" Donnie asked at dinner. Most shrugged. "Out in the barn." Casey said. "He knows it's time for dinner. He said he wasn't hungry.."

"Oh."

And so they ate, thinking nothing of it. They congratulated Raph on the meal, it was truly delicious, and then went to bed.

Raph waited for Mikey to come in before locking the doors. Yes, he didn't like him, but he wasn't going to lock him outside. He wasn't that extreme. He washed the evening dishes and waited a long time, waiting to hear his annoying voice announce that he was inside now, pout about missing dinner, and then his hyper footsteps jumping up the stairs. He waited for those sounds.

But when he didn't hear him come in, he grew concerned, despite the fact he didn't want to actually talk to him. He had to make sure he was still alive. Dislike or not, he wanted him alive.

Raph went outside into the chilly spring air and opened the barn door.

"You in here?" He asked. No response. "Mikey, it's really late. Stop playing games and come inside." He kept looking around, calling for him. He found his little brother fast asleep on the floor, on a pile of hay, and next to a fallen punching bag.

He tried shaking him awake, but the boy's tear stained face showed he was exhausted. His stomach was stabbed with guilt when he saw a punching bag Mikey had obviously made himself. _This is what he wanted to show me..._ He didn't realize Mikey was being serious when he said he made something for him. And Raph pushed him away, made him get upset.

Mikey kept shivering, and wouldn't get out of his deep sleep. So he scooped him up, a little clumsily, and carried him in his arms back to the house.

Mikeys eyes moved a little but Raph didn't notice. He nuzzled into his older brother, as he knew this wouldn't last long. He had to enjoy it. _Maybe he'll like the punching bag. I hope he does. He saw it, right? _

He felt himself being rested on his bed, blanket tossed over him, then carefully tucked.  
"Don't do that again, okay?" Raph said quietly  
Mikey almost nodded. But he was 'asleep'.

Morning came, and Mikey was in better spirits. He still felt empty. Alone, and unwanted, but he just felt a little better. That's all. So he turned on a marathon of his new favorite show, and had a ball just trashing the place. He smiled again. Yeah, maybe he wasn't loved, wanted. But he could still be happy. For a little while he forgot about all his problems and just enjoyed himself.

That is, until the others showed up. He felt the burn from their words. They yelled at him for leaving the house a mess for the third time in a week... and the leader of the shouting was Raph.. and said he was just a big screw up. To Mikey, it meant that his life was just a big screw up.

"Alright.." He couldn't take it anymore. Was everyone against him now? _Nobody loves you, nobody cares about you. Everyone would be better off if you weren't even here_! Though Raph never said that, he could hear his voice say it. He gathered some items, and fled. He was going back to New York. But why New York? _Maybe I could find Master Splinter. He'd still love me, I'm his son. I could be the hero, for once, and save the world. Alone!_

Hours later, when the group returned home, they found the house empty. Raph's heart sunk. He knew what that meant. "Eh, he's probably just out doing something stupid." He pretended to be unworried. But on the inside, his conscious ate at him. **_You caused this, Raphael. You know where he is. You KNOW. _**  
While everyone started cleaning the house, Raph went upstairs to his room. When he opened the door, a piece of paper fluttered off the desk and landed at his feet. A note. He was terrified to read it, he didn't know if this was a direct critisizing of him. Or a final goodbye.

Raph,

I'm running away, in case the others want to know. In case they **care**. Yesterday, I made you a punching bag so when you got mad at anyone.. or me, you could hit that instead of a wall. You keep me up at night sometimes, with all those tantrums. This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be alone, without me? Well, wish granted. Cause I'm not coming back.  
Have a nice life. Goodbye forever.  
Mikey

He dropped the note, horrified, and slid down the door. What? He was leaving, forever? That's- _that's not really what I wanted. _Then what did he want? Raph didn't know anymore. Now life wasn't just too short, it was also going to be spent in guilt. Guilt that he, singlehandedly, sent him away. Leo and Donnie wouldn't have their little brother anymore. _And they won't have me either, once they find out it's all my fault..._


	13. Chapter 12

Raph sat up in his room alone as the others worked. _I don't know what I wanted. But it wasn't this, Mikey. You have to know, it wasn't this. I wish we just let you play this morning. Let you live, and have a good time for once, without yelling at you over something so stupid. We ALL make messes sometimes. I used to. Remember that? _

An hour later, the group went out to search for Mikey. "Only way to find him out in these woods is to split up into groups." Leo said, as the five of them gathered.

"What about your leg?" April asked, concerned. His leg was better, but it was not ready to go hiking for hours out in the woods.

"It's fine." Leo insisted, looking down.

"Well, just in case, Leo, you come with me." Donnie said, taking charge. "You too, April. Raph and Casey, you go west, by the pond, and that hole area. Okay? We'll meet up at this spot in four hours."

And with that, the two groups split.

Raph and Casey were quiet for awhile, just searching. But Casey knew his friend well. He knew Raph was feeling guilty about something, and needed to get it off his chest. "So, Raph, what's eating you?"

"What?" Raph said absentmindedly.

"You're not usually like this, dude. I know something's bothering you."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine. Just, thinking."

Casey sat down on a wooden bench. "NOPE. I'm not moving until you spill. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone."

Raph sat down hesitantly, picking at his knee pads.

"What's bothering you?" Casey wasn't usually serious about anything, unless it was really important. Which this was.

"He's been gone for hours. I screwed up big. I made him run away."

"Nah, man, it wasn't really just you, I mean, we all yelled at him. I don't think he would blame just you."

"No, you don't understand. That's not the only reason he ran away.."

"Was there an argument between you guys? You know, that caused him to do all of those things?"

"What makes you think that..?"

"Dude, after the Invasion, you guys were really close. More than usual. Then, out of nowhere, boom, world war 3! Was it him?"

Raph looked over at him, then his hands. "No. It was me."

"What.. happened?"

"I heard- overheard- that you guys thought I was becoming weaker. So I thought- you know, that he was making me weaker. That you guys wouldn't-"

"Whoa, whoa! Raph, we weren't talking about you being actually physically weak! We were saying your temper was weaker! Your attitude! You were becoming _nicer, _not turning into a weak person overall!"

Raph's mouth gaped open. But nevertheless, he continued. "So, I told him, to save my toughness, I wouldn't be hanging out with him anymore. But I didn't think he'd get so mad about it!"

"He wasn't mad, Raph. You broke his heart."

Raph closed his eyes.

"He needed his big bro, more than ever. And even if it meant giving up who you are, you should just do it! My little sister? She'd make me have tea parties with her. I never wanted to. So I didn't. But after my mom..." He sighed. "Dad was at work all day. She had no one. I had to step up and be there for her. Even if it meant doing something that wasn't cool. Now I know. And now? She's gone. I didn't get the chance to tell her how much I actually enjoyed playing with her. And she'll never know.." Casey trailed off.

Raph waited for him to start again.

"So, when you find your brother, Raph, you're gonna stay by his side. Even if it's stupid, and you're gonna tell him everything. Apologize, and make everything right. Because there's a difference between my story and yours."

"And what's that?"

"You have a chance to make things right again." Casey looked out at the setting sun. "The question is, are you going to take it?"

There was no more words, Raph was too lost in thought to say anything. Where would he even begin, if he found Mikey? He would wait until everyone was gone, he would wait for a sunrise. Take him over to this pond, of course, so no one could hear his apology except him. Even if Mikey didn't accept it, he'd still get to be with him again. But what would he say to apologize? Would the words come naturally, or would he be fumbling with them, unable to make a sentence? "Casey?" He said suddenly.

"Hm?"

"What would you say to him?"

Casey stopped, grinning. "You'll know what to say."


	14. Chapter 13

Mikey sat in a cage, trapped by a bunch of mutant frogs, and couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Just that morning he'd been at home, having a great time, little to no worries at all, and safe, and now he was trapped in a swinging cage above a group of mutant frogs.

"What a mess you've gotten yourself into, Michelangelo," He told himself, "and the worst part is you're stuck like this. With the frogs." He looked over at April and Casey, who were also imprisoned. "Oh. Hey guys..."  
"Mikey..."  
"What! I had to leave, okay? It was.. getting out of hand.." He sighed.  
"We know," Casey said. "And.. we're sorry."

It was silent for awhile, and they kept on sitting in those cages doing nothing. Mikey was deep in thought. _Maybe, if all of this gets resolved, I can live with the frogs. They'll take me in. Definitely... maybe not, but I have to try! I can't go back, they don't want me there anyway, right?_

"Hey, Mikey?" April called over to him. "I'm glad you're okay. Sort of. We've been looking for you all day, and your brothers have been worried sick."  
"They have?"  
"Heck yeah! Especially-" April covered Casey's mouth.  
"Shh. Not now."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the woods, the turtles tried to track the frogs, find their family. But Donnie was dying to ask a question. "Guys, stop. I can't take it anymore."  
"Take what?" Leo asked.  
Donnie faced Raph. "You gotta spill. NOW. WHY is there a problem between you and Mikey? _Please _tell me, because this has been so confusing, so- what's the word, Leo?"  
"Awkward for all of us?" Leo suggested.  
"Yeah! We feel like if we go near you two there'll be a big fight and we can't do anything together. It's awful! So 'fess up, Raphael!"

(Five years ago)  
"Hey... Raphie.. where.. are..you going?" Mikey panted, falling off of his skateboard for the thirteenth time in twenty minutes. He was attempting to keep up with his older brother, who went out into the sewers. They weren't allowed out there without their Sensei, and Mikey knew this, so he followed.  
"Go away, Mikey."  
"Aw, come on! We're not even allowed out here!"  
"That's the point. Cause I knew _Lame-o-nardo _or _Nerd-a-tello _wouldn't follow me out here, and I **figured **_Psycho-angelo_ wouldn't come either." He stopped running.  
"Raphie."  
"_What_?"  
"Don't do this. It's dark out. Let's go home."  
"What if I don't wanna go home?" He sniffled, rubbing at a scrape on his arm.  
"Look, I'm -sorry- we laughed at you today, 'kay? It wasn't nice. But you always said runnin' doesn't solve nothin'. You gotta 'confront' the problem, whatever that means. You said it, not me!"

Mikey snapped out of the memory, and was shocked at what he saw. His brothers were there, fighting the frogs. They came back.  
He came back.

His eyes watered, but he cleared them, watching them fight. _I was wrong, they do.. care. At least Leo and Donnie do right now.  
_One of the frogs released Mikey. "Thank you." He whispered. "Now I have to..."

He saw Raph being pinned by several frogs. This was his chance. He could either watch him get killed, or save his life, make everything right again. _This is what I want. I want things to go back to the way they were before. I want to apologize, but not here. Definitely not here._

He ran forward and kicked the frogs away, smiling triumphantly. "Some ninja, getting pinned by a buncha-" He started to tease. But he was cut off by Raph fiercely hugging him. His eyes seemed to say he was sorry, but Mikey knew this wasn't the place or time to make amends properly. He'd have to wait just a little while longer.


	15. Chapter 14

Most of the day had passed by without much happening. They were planning on having a campout that evening, and the four brothers were going to sleep under the stars. Now that Mikey was back, everyone was in better spirits. It was going to be a good night.

But before the sun set, when the echoes of their laughter rose with the fire would turn to quiet whispers with the wind, Raph knew he had to talk to Mikey.

His stomach knotted in worry as he watched Mikey from the porch, joking with the others and roasting hotdogs by the fire. He was going to ask him to take a walk with him in the woods, but why ruin this moment? He decided to just let Mikey enjoy the night, and do it the next morning.

"Can we do this again tomorrow night?" Mikey asked, looking between Donnie and Leo. His heart sunk when he saw Raph wasn't with them. He didn't know why, but that was Raph's personality, he assumed. He knew. He liked to observe from a distance.

Once the hour grew late, Raph finally summoned the courage to ask Mikey. He walked over and stopped, tapping him.

"Hm?" He asked drowsily.

"Join me on a walk tomorrow morning, please?"

It had been months since they'd done such a thing. But Mikey slowly nodded. "Okay." He went back to talking.

Raph sighed.

Until tomorrow...

He woke much earlier than when the sun rose, but he couldn't stand it. He had to go soon.

Mikey moved around. He knew he was up. Just waiting.

_Now or never, Raphael. Don't be so shy and nervous. All you have to do is apologize. Make everything right again..._

Mikey pretended to sleep, his stomach knotted. He had no idea what lie ahead for him and his brother. He snuggled into his sleeping bag further, and waited.

"Hey Mikey.." He said quietly.

He hid a smile and sat up, very curious on what his older brother would say to him. He got out of his sleeping bag and stood in front of Raph, who looked like he hadn't slept the night before.

They made their way down a quiet and dark path, no words spoken. Mikey thought about saying something, maybe try to make small talk, just to break the ice; he had to say...

Raph walked ahead of him and sat alone on a rock by the pond. It was in the west, and Mikey knew they couldn't possibly watch a sunset from there, like he'd overheard Raph mention to Leonardo. So, why was he doing the opposite of what he said?

Mikey gulped, and backed up a little, still watching his brother, who watched the early morning sunshine reflect off the pond. It was beautiful, but still.. why was he here..

"To say," his voice startled Mikey, as it shook a little, "to say that I messed up is an understatement. I shouldn't ask you to forgive me for anything I did. I- I was just s-so.."

His heart felt like it was being ripped out when he heard the absolute pain in Raph's voice. He edged a little closer to him. He wasn't crying, but not far from it.

Raph sighed, and tried again. "To say I broke your heart is an understatement. I had it in my hands, and I trampled on it. Why? Because I worried about what others thought. That I was weaker. That they would think of me as less than I am. But I realize now? I was nothing! I am nothing. But you? Brought out the good side of me, that I had. You made me a better person, and I was such an- an idiot to let you-" he sniffled and wiped his eyes.

Mikey's eyes shone with tears. Don't cry...

"And once you were gone.. I became nothing again, and I just- want.." He couldn't say anymore, as Mikey heard his shaking breaths. He finally stood right in front of him. "You wanted me back. I know." He kneeled down.

"I was a fool, and I didn't deserve what you did for me..."

Mikey nodded and rested his head in his brother's lap... just listening to the silence. Raph rested his hand on Mikey's head. "Mikey, what I really wanted to say was that I'm sorry-"

"No." He was cut off. "We both screwed up. I tried to kill you!"

"But I shut you out for no good reason, and I-"

"Raph!"

"What?"

"Shh. Just be quiet..."

They both closed their eyes and Mikey trembled. He was ready to burst. First, it was quiet sniffles, which then turned into little cries, which escalated into when he started to weep, sob, and finally loud wails of agony. He tried to stand up, but he couldn't.

Raph slid off the rock, and let Mikey cry in his shoulder. He held him tightly, sniffling and shedding tears himself.

"Shh.. you're forgiven.. you're forgiven.." He whispered.

Mikey nuzzled into him further, about to utter three words, when he was interrupted.

"I love you Mikey," he said clearly and not showing the slightest bit of emptiness or embarrassment. He meant it. He really meant it.

Mikey wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug and smiled. Hesitant arms found themselves holding Mikey, and Raph wondered if.. if he'd respond..

In a fight, he had to have bravery and courage to carry on through it, but it didn't take much. But it took all the courage Raph had inside of him just to say that he loved his little brother.

That would have to change, eventually.

"I love you too Raphie.." He giggled and stood up. "Looks like Mr. Tough Guy is a big softie, huh?"

"Between you and me.." Raph stood up, "I always have been."


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue

Leo noticed a change in Raph that day. It was different.. he came out of the woods later that morning actually laughing. Mikey followed him, and wore a big smile.  
He watched them, and looked over at Donnie, who smiled. "It's about time."

Things went so well that Leo agreed to another campout that night. Donnie was overjoyed that things just might be going back to normal. He really truly hoped things were! So much had happened, and they still were missing so much.. he didn't want his family to get separated again. Donnie had a frail feelings, and anything bad that happened affected him as well. He wished he could be stronger, like Leo. He never caved in under pressure.. He sighed.

Raph did tell Mikey one important thing.. while he loved hanging out with him and just being around him, he DID have responsibilities to fulfill. But if he finished with those, he promised he'd do something with Mikey and the rest of the family.

"Wait just a minute." Mikey stopped him in the kitchen. "Look, I don't want you to feel like you have to do this. If you're more comfortable just doing your own thing, that's totally fine.. I get it now."

"It's not that.. at all. We all have inner demons we have to face alone. But once I have finished facing them.. I'll always find time for you guys." He looked at him and smiled.

That night, they all sat around the fire, and no one said anything for a long time. Raph broke the silence. "Guys.. I just wanted to apologize. For how I've been acting for months. It's over now. I promise."

"Mmkay..." He grew drowsy, watching the fire die out, and leaned up against Raph.

"Hey Mikey? You should probably head for bed now. If you're that tired." He started feeling really paranoid.. his arms got goosebumps and he shivered, though it was warm out.  
"Nah, you're pretty comfy." He laid on his lap. He could feel the tremors as he fell asleep. "You'll be okay.." Inside he worried for his brother. What was ahead for the family? Mikey hoped that everything would be okay from here on out.

Across the fire, Leonardo could sense Raphael's anxiety, and watched him closely, nudging Donnie, who merely shrugged, meaning, "I have no idea why."

But as for Raphael he looked down at his sleeping little brother, who he finally had back, and relaxed. No matter what happened, he had his brothers.. and life was too short to let it end over just a little bit of fear..

Because he knew he couldn't let the fear consume him completely.

There was someone who needed him to stick around. He put a protective arm around Mikey and fell asleep, promising that he wouldn't allow him to be consumed as well.

THE END

(As you can see, this story hints at another problem going on, so Part II will begin to be posted soon, entitled: Consumed. It will focus mainly on Raphael, but have some time dedicated to Leonardo and Donatello as well, since I kind of left them out of this story... thanks for reading 3)


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